Take a good look at me now

*When you try and find an old diary – twenty years ago this week, I was at Gallipoli. And slept in for the Dawn Service. Not my greatest moment ever lol – and find notes you wrote four years ago, about a week before your mental health admission to hospital. Remember, the following is from 2014, trigger warnings all over the place*

Pain

Hurt

Deserve it

Shame

Inadequacy

Tear me to shreds

Loser

Suicidal

Depressed

History

Emotional baggage

Expectations

Have tried to be the “alpha” male in previous relationships DID NOT WORK

Anxiety, surprising – am usually not so anxious

FEAR

FAILURE

Melbourne – could be positive or negative

DATING WEBSITES?

Have I culled enough friends yet? Expansion phase? Scattershot or focussed?

Caring

Loving

Supportive

Emotional

Awkward

Never seems to work out “right”

Let alone when actually FALL in love

What is WRONG with me and relationships

FRIEND ZONE. UGH.

I can’t STOP being caring, supportive, loving

Nor can I stop second guessing myself. UGH.

Dakota

Needles/feathers

Make up

Boots

Pretty

Bullet proof

Fabulous

Fantastic

Honey badger

Confident

Strong

Wanting to come out

Relegate homme to secondary role

Work, masochism, family

Trans?

Gal pal

Dakota needs a surname – social media?

Rolls eyes at self

Definitely putting more effort into femme wardrobe lately

*And what has occurred the last four years? Apart from, you know, survival. Dakota has a surname. All that confusion has evolved into arty drag. Not trans. Homme/femme? Both/neither/just me/not actually important. Staying single forever. Culled more friends than I thought I would, including some previous besties. Accepted my past. Acknowledge my own flaws. Putting myself first. Bulletproof in all my life, not just one aspect of it*

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Take a good look at me now

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