Music, not always good memories

Content warning –

Album I added to my streaming subscription today, REM’s Out of Time.

Losing My Religion. 17 year old me. Cassette tape, play, rewind, play, rewind, repeat ad nauseum. Swallowing pills, then more pills, my throat getting a real workout.

Keeping half of them aside, for a “rainy day”.

Staggering out the door to school. Flake out, ambulance, stomach pumped, basically unconscious for the next twenty four hours.

Even with all that history, it’s still one of my favourite songs. So messed up. For the first decade or so after, I couldn’t listen to it and not remember. But lately the association has drifted.


“Pink ribbon scars, that never forget…”

Great. Today by Pumpkins. As my eyes dart to my wrists. You probably wouldn’t notice unless you have a magnifying glass, but they’re there as well. 25 years. Self harm, a fashion that never goes out of style.

And that song is my highest individual played selection on my playlists. Also messed up.


I blogged about all this a long time ago, in the time before Facebook. I think I wrote about it really well, but I’ve misplaced the site addresses.

I quickly go looking, while on a break at work. I have a massive heart attack when I think I’ve found them. 1568 entries on an old blogger account. Now owned by Google? If they’re not there, in that number of posts, then I blogged far more than I remember.

More investigations, less heart attacks, at home over the weekend. Feeling a bit green around the gills right now though…

Music, not always good memories

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